Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Quote of the day!!!!

"If people have to talk about you to make themselves feel good... let them!! Haters need help too!"
                                                                                                         -Rev Run

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

In This Dream

In this dream I have at night...
I walk down this hallway filled with rooms
I search for you
I open the first door to my left
It's filled with brooms
I close that door to open another to my right
This one is painted blue
Still your nowhere in sight
I look for the next door
This one was harder to open
There's a book with blank pages on the floor
But there's no you... once again
This next door i arrive at is almost too hard to get into
The red paint on the walls is cracked in this room
I close this door and i try to open the next
But its seems as though i can not open the rest
I go from door to door
Knob after knob
But they wont let me in
At this point the hallway ends
There is one more door
I turn the knob
I open the door only find a dark empty room
I fall to the floor
Crying hysterically making a whole scene
Then i wake up in tears from this horrible dream
Because i know exactly what it all means:
The hallway stands for this journey I've had with you
The brooms signifies how u swept me off my feet
The blue
Is how i felt when you dropped me
The difficult door shows how hard it was to let you back in
The empty book is filled with the old memories
The cracked paint represents my heart after all those times u left me
The locked doors are the pointless relationships and shows how closed off I've been
That black room is what u left me

Quote of the day!!

"recognize the difference between how u feel and whats real"


Here's to all those ladies who used to be his number one:
The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if". Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a crap about them.

Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. ******When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.********* One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like crap, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls, who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Best Regards

Dear you,

I hate you
I hate all that you've put me through
I hate how you can just go on
I hate that this is so easy for you
I hate that i am so calm
I hate that i cant scream and fight
I hate that u will never hear this
I hate that i cant sleep at night
I hate that you are the one i miss
I hate that i have to go through this while you just live your life
I hate that all this anger is inside of me
I hate that you aren't even trying to make this right
I hate that there's all this pain in my heart
I hate that your the only one that can make me feel this way
I hate that i didn't see this coming from the start
I hate that only you can make this pain go away
I hate that as i write these words i cant help but cry
I hate that i will never know why
I hate that i still love you
I hate that i cant forget you
I hate that i cant get you off my mind
I hate that the answers i can not find
I hate that i never learned
I hate that you left me broken
I hate that i am now a woman scorned
I hate that you left me scarred....

Best Regards,


Hurt [hurt] v. - to cause bodily or mental pain or distress

hurt. A word that i am not unfamiliar with.

you tell me that you love me and there is no one else you want to be with. you make me cut all ties with everyone for a chance to be with you. and then. you disappear.
But i loved you...
I guess that doesn't matter anymore
For some reason u saw it best that we just be apart. no words. no reasons. just disappeared
All the words that u said now flow in the wind
And the feelings that I once or still have are turning into other things.
I've tried to get you out my mind.
but there is no closure
there were no explanations. no goodbyes
I cant sleep at night.
and its all because of you
thoughts of you just run continuously through my mind.
What did i do???
Questions never answered.
Is this my fault???
Somehow do i deserve this???
Am I paying for my past???
If i am this is THE cruelest punishment i could ever receive.
I hope your proud of yourself
I hope you feel like a man.

If it was you mission to hurt me... congratulations mission accomplished

Monday, December 14, 2009


Its time for me to start blogging again... got alot of stuff on my mind.. so many emotions to express: Happiness, Sadnesss, Depression, and CONFUSION

Wednesday, June 10, 2009




"when you think only of yourself that is all you will have"




GUCCI released new mixtape today!!!!! i know some may not like gucci but i for one LOVE HIM!!! I have listened to most of the tracks and so far i am liking it.

I really like:




Friday, June 5, 2009


I have realized so much about other people and myself n the past few days... I guess its because I'm sitting at home and I really have nothing better to do with my life but nether the less I have realized.... I realized that no one is really ever your true friend. No matter how much you may give or care about a person they will always put themselves first. I know that it is wrong to give and expect things in return but come on now when you continuously give to someone unconditionally u would expect at least half of what you've given right? Maybe I'm just being selfish but its just how I feel. I have realized that no one is here to stay. No use in trying to hold on to people who are not holding on to you. I have realized that I am sooooo tired. I'm tired of giving all of myself to people who don't deserve it or for that matter even want me to begin with. I don't want to force myself on anyone. I'm so tired of debating and arguing with people. I should not have to show or prove myself to anyone. Why can't I just say something and it be the end of it? Or why can't I just be me and you be happy with that? I'm tired of people trying to tell me who I am. Because in actuality I don't even know. I still don't believe that I have found myself. But I do know that I am not what others say I am. I'm tired of being convinced when I know that deep down inside I feel differently. I have also realized that I can read people very well. I kno when someone doesn't like me I know if they are jealous I know when they want the best for me I know if they feel the same way I do. I realized that jealousy is a very hard thing to admit but here I am saying it I am jealous. Of what? Of everything. I'm jealous of the fact that people can be so happy when I am unhappy. I'm jealous of the fact that others have what I don't. I'm jealous of the fact that people are capable of loving and staying in long lasting relationships when I myself has not had a stable loving relationship with anyone in my life. I'm jealous of people who can end things and walk away and never think twice about it. I have realized that I am a person. I have emotions I have feelings. I may seem as though I do not care or things don't phase me but inside I hurt and I cry out for someone just to listen. a couple weeks ago I really had my feelings hurt. I mean I have never had my feelings hurt that way in my life I tried to act as if it did not effect me but it really did hurt.My feelings were hurt by someone who is not even close to me or I even care about but they hurt me more than anyone that is close to me ever has. It took that incident for me to realize that I am capable of being hurt. I thought that I had been hurt in the past but that was small compared to how I felt. I have also realized that a relationship is not something I need but want. I want to be in love I want some one to always be there for me I want have someone there just to talk to I want to be able to say what I want to someone and have no regrets I want to be able to give myself to someone and they give themselves back. But me wanting this has sent me down a downward spiral only ending in disaster. Dead end relationships, dudes who seem to care but really don't, broken promises, heartache, and loneliness. No longer looking but waiting. No longer expecting the best but the worst so I won't get disappointed. Not only in relationships but in everything. I am broken.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I guess they're coming bac

Im starting to see girls wearing jean jackets more often. Now ppl havent worn those in a minute! but i guess they are back in style.



Omg I was reading this article and this dude has 11(yes 11) baby mommas and 21 kids and he is only 29. That is just ridiculous. But the fact that he has that many kids is not even the problem its the fact that he cant even take care of them! he didnt even intend on having kids he said "it just happened" now thats a shame...... a word to the wise...... USE PROTECTION!!!!!!!!

And he dont even look good!!!! lol



a poem i never published anywhere else

He calls her over
Its late
He greets her with his lips
She knows she has found her soul mate
Her heart beat against his
Before they knew it
Clothes were dropping
Music playing
Candles lit
wet passionate kisses
They move towards the bed
His arms wrapped around her
She melts after every word is said
His touch sends chills down her spine
She wants no other man
He touches her as if she is the only woman n this world
He kisses her again and again
She never wants these feelings to end
A bright light pierces the darkness
N the doorway stands a woman with disgust and anger written all over her face
that's wen she realizes that she is the other woman


so i wrote this poem a couple of moths ago when i was at school...
hope you like it...

They wheel her down the hall to the operating room...

The doctor prepares himself for this impossible task at hand

She lies almost lifeless on the table dreaming of salt water and beach sand...

He pulls out his scalpel
Hands shaky
Sweat drips down his forehead

Thinking to himself just go head
Dive in
Get it over with
Not nervousness more like unsurity
Is he ready
Is this risk worth it
Putting all into this surgey wen it cud end n tragedy

He breaks the skin
Still unsure but now he's in
Passing tissues and veins searching for this vital organ

As she lay there on the table almost lifeless dreaming of salt water and beach sand...

He searches to find it
But all he can find is fragments of what used to be

as she lie there dreaming of the nights spent swimming n that salt water with a man who she thought loved her
And long walks on the beach sand where she held his hand
And he used to hold hers

The doctor tries to piece together the fragments of what used to be
He watches as the the heart beats on the monitor begin to slow
He tries his hardest to save her

As she lays there on the table almost lifeless with dreams of salt water and beach sand

He wants so much for this surgery to be a success he wants so much for her to survive, overcome this obsticle and live on

Soon the heart beat stops but he is still determined
His colleagues advise him that there is no more than he can do
But he can not stop he wants this so bad
But she lays there now lifeless dreaming of salt water and beach sand
She will never love again...


So this is my first blog. Usually when i see blogs ppl are usually ranting and raving about random stuff. well mines will b no different lol. i have alot of stuff that goes through my head that i have to get out. sometimes ill b angry sometimes ill b happy sometimes ill b confused and sometimes ill b just curious. so just bare with me :)